The Perks of being a middle-aged woman.

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“To live is to die to how we wanted it to be…” (Jack Kornfield)

Amongst the hormonal havoc and the avalanche of inevitable changes and life readjustments surrounding me these last couple of years, a kind of transfiguration has taken place, leading me towards embracing a whole new way of living. These are now the perks of my middle-age life and I love the idea of sharing them with you:

  • A deep understanding of my true nature.
  • Knowledge of who my true friends are.
  • No more worry about belonging and fitting in.
  • The ability to find joy through pain and allowing myself to feel both at the same time.
  • The choice to thoroughly live each moment.
  • The know-how of my feelings and emotions.
  • The love and true acceptance of myself.
  • True vulnerability.
  • A real sense of who I am. Not who I should be or who people expect me to be.
  • Knowledge in loss and the creation of many opportunities for growth through it.
  • Less urgency and more surrender.
  • A total disregard for anniversaries of any kind because every day is special.
  • True connection to a Higher Source (for me, God) not out of duty or need, but out of unconditional love.
  • Experience: accomplishment does not guarantee success, being busy is not the same as feeling alive, control is an illusion, and happiness is a choice.
  • The wisdom of knowing and accepting that the only thing certain is uncertainty.
  • The freedom to now get anything I missed in life while I was busy pushing, working and achieving.
  • A new deep sense of joy and a strong passion in my professional work.
  • A sense of reprioritizing so reading and nature doesn’t stay last in the list ever again.
  • A deep feeling of freedom from perfection.
  • Being able to accept each and everyone as they are without judgments.
  • Discovering that cats are better than dogs, especially Bengals!

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Choose to be kind and grateful.

Images from the internet

Challenge accepted!

As I’m writing this, my oldest daughter is saying goodbyes to her high school friends in our backyard. She is leaving for college next week.

Joy, grief, change, and time have all conspired to dramatically alter the inner landscape of my being.  What once was familiar and solid seemed foreign and out of balance for a while. It’s been quite a journey.

I dare describe change (for me) as something inevitable, desired and feared, refreshing, and uncomfortable at the same time: A challenge. In this case, there was only one thing left for me to say: “Challenge accepted!”

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When we spend our years taking care of everyone else, suddenly stopping and being there for ourselves may get really uncomfortable. You see, when we are busy enough and distracted enough, covering up emotions and feelings turns out to be a much easier task.

After being forced to deal with health issues, I have aimed for a slower/quieter life these past couple of years. Consequently, I have made time to mourn myself as I was and as I am no longer. Also, I have made time to mourn for what will never be again: My family’s dynamics have changed dramatically for good. In solitude, I chose to feel and confront, to desire and fear. Mourning is complicated and cannot be rushed, but it’s the only way forward.

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What threatened to be diminishment has, in the end, turned out to be growth: evolution. I chose this and worked hard on it (I’m still working hard on it). I’m grateful for the chance to live through this whole process, I had a chance to stop, look within and relearn that it is ok. In a way, it’s been a relief to let everything fall away; to let go of my usual beliefs, opinions and expectations in order to let the new, refreshing surprises unfold.

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It’s only the beginning and it’s been amazing, profound and (even though painful) it’s been thoroughly enjoyable. After all, it’s a fact that every life event prepares you for the next one, so I am now ready. Bring it on!

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Choose to be kind and grateful.

Images from the web

 

About food, an overwhelming day, and my love for hiking.

We just celebrated my oldest daughter’s birthday and the fridge is full: muffins, banana cake, banana pie, and cookies. After a completely overwhelming day full of unexpected news about work and money, together with several events highlighting (still partially digested) truths about how my life is upside-down now, and a day in which I had planned to take a break to just read and rest… finding myself craving what’s inside the fridge freaked me out at first (I don’t even like banana! I can’t stand it).

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AAAhhhh anxiety! I’m tired and dehydrated. There, problem detected and accepted, emotions validated… now what?… Breathe…

After having a cup of soothing herbal tea I get prepared to call it a day. I tried to pray but it was not working. Of course He is always with me but I don’t want to talk neither listen, I’m too tired. I proceeded to do some tapping but I was not being that comfortable about it either. Panic… I was not going to be able to sleep like these. Breathe…

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I thought: “I will go mind hiking! Yes”.  I closed my eyes and started taking deep breaths… I was walking… there’s so much green, the smells, the wind, the temperature was just right for me. I could hear the wind through the trees. The wind… the lake is just around the corner… it was so silent and peaceful. I was able to pray there. I was able to rest there too. I wanted to stay there and never wake up…

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I really love hiking but I can’t do it as often as I wish I could. Therefore, I do my mind hiking and regain whatever strength I can gather from it. It is so important to release stress before sleep at night. There are so many ways of achieving this. What do you do to release stress before sleep?

Choose to be kind and grateful.

Images from the internet

Don’t become a closed-minded life expert.

 

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I really believe it is impossible to reach a place where there is no more room for learning or growing anymore. It is also impossible to know exactly what the other person is going through and, since every experience is different for everyone, one can only guess. Everyone is on a similar but at the same time very different life journey. Helping each other through empathy and kindness, and sharing experiences and knowledge while respecting each other, works better than “expert” advise.

Choose to be kind and grateful.

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Changing an obsolete behavior pattern.

It’s been a while since my last post. I have been otherwise engaged and, in trying to follow my own advice, decided not to stress about being unable to write for a while. The fact that I decided upon not stressing doesn´t mean I was completely successful at it; therefore, I needed to find a solution… From now on, in order to be able to blog, I will have to write shorter versions of the ideas I want to share. So there!

Now, about changing an obsolete behavior pattern… It’s not an easy thing to unlearn patterns which run back for generations, but in choosing to acknowledge that a pattern no longer works and needs a tune up for our own wellbeing and for those around us, we take a very important step towards health and happiness. Each one of us can find something that no longer works and search for the tools and the courage needed to change it out of love for ourselves and others. What would you like to change?

 

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Choose to be kind and grateful.

Image from the internet