This was one of my first blog posts. I wanted to share it with you again. I would love to hear your opinion on forgiveness…

We all get hurt one way or the other. Such is life. It is the way we react that counts, or so I’ve heard. The truth is we need to forgive constantly in order to move on. In fact, we tend to forgive small things on a daily basis without even noticing. But when a major offense (or group of accumulated offenses) like abuse, serious lies, betrayal or any action resulting in a major loss comes crashing our way, the reaction is different. It may be immediate or it may take some time but we feel hurt, confused, vulnerable and  sadness, resentment and anger explodes within us.

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We have a problem now, besides the offensive act commited againts us I mean. We click into survival mode and find that pain and resentment are so uncomfortable that we try with all our might to put those feelings and emotions away, bury them and forget about them. This process may last hours, days, months or years. The subsequent effort in denying what we feel may create health consequences. Now, this may not be true for some people, but for some people it is. It happens that our heart knows, our soul knows and every cell in our body knows that we are in pain and that we are unable to forgive at the moment, and our whole being acts accordingly, even if our mind says otherwise.

Permanent unforgiveness causes chronic stress. Our feelings and emotions are alive and if buried, they will try to find a way out. This chronic stress response causes our body to release cortisol and excess insulin, to say the least, which results in short term or long term health issues that in some cases may include: low immune defense system, indigestion, weight gain, inability to loose weight, excess weight loss because of malnutrition or malnourishment, headaches and depression.

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It is important to notice that forgiveness of a major offense will not take away the pain and resentment right away. Forgiveness is the switch that turns the power of healing on. Healing is a process, a slow one sometimes, which would be easier to undestand with an example of physical injury. Such may be the case of a person  riding a motorcycle when, suddenly, a newly licensed texting and driving teenager hits this person. They rush him/her to the ER and after a month in intensive care, this teen comes to see this person looking for forgiveness. This is a nice person, so compassion fills his/her heart and he/she forgives the kid. Did this person got out of the hospital the minute he/she forgave? Did the pain go away? Did the broken bones heal instantly? No. Healing will be a process of months, maybe a year or more. He/she will have scars, maybe for life and will need therapy, probably. But this person will go on and life will be good again someday because he/she is strong and just helped the recovery proccess by forgiving the kid for everything.

When a person is devastaded on the inside, the healing process may be slower than a physical one. It may take an hour, a day, a week, months even years but forgiveness always starts the healing process.

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Time doesn’t heal everything, it can make it worse actually, specially if we don’t forgive. So we have to choose either to forgive, let go and start healing or to resent, hold, bury and start affecting our health. So, forgiveness becomes a self care decision. We don’t forgive for the offender, we mainly forgive for our own self. Because we should love ourselves enough to care for our own well being. Because we live once and do not want to waste away life. Because we want to help our body, soul and heart to let go and relax in order to have a good working metabolism, better health and live in the best way possible.

It is so important to take our unresolved emotional and psychological issues into account when there is a physical health problem and viceversa. Forgiveness is key, it is within our reach and it is so worth it.

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Choose to be kind and grateful. 

17 Comments

  1. hi thanks for sharing. it’s all up to you actually .. when you wanna victimize yourself in your whole life, then hold on the shitty things you experienced. Event is an event, not big or small , it’s still an event. Why would you give away your own power to make this event or person more important than you ? don’t be silly.
    we all gotta learn to let go and forgive. The day will be brighter & lighter.
    my bottom line is: we forgive & not forget! that is a lesson and part of our lives.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I like the CS Lewis quote and My comment comes from a christian background so take it for what it’s worth. I often feel incapable of forgiveness and that is why I rely on Jesus’ help to make it a reality in my life.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Lu,
    Forgiveness is a major issue in life. Holding offense in your heart leads to bitterness, and this actually prevents you from moving forward in your life. Unforgiveness actually delays any blessings that God may want to release into your life. It makes it so difficult to hear God’s voice. Even if the other person was wrong and you were on the right, you must still make an act of the will to forgive them. Forgiveness frees you from bondage and allows you to start the healing process. This is why some people move from place to place looking for physical, mental, emotional healing but can’t seem to find anything that works. The root of bitterness and unforgiveness is indeed deadly, and it is sad when someone chooses to live a life of holding grudges. We should not let other people’s mistakes steal away the life we were called to live.

    Thanks for the great post!
    Kev.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Kev.
      You are right, unforgiveness delays blessings. However, it is my experience that looking for physical, mental, and emotional healing is necessary and as important as spirituality. All of these together, without neglecting any, are what really help the healing process; which by the way, could never be rushed and is different for every human being and experience 😉
      Thanks for your comment 🙂

      Like

  4. Wow! It happens that yesterday I recounted a story to my brother about how one of our step sisters had violated my trust with my first husband and how although I have forgiven her, we will probably never be as close as we could have been. I think for me, I will never know their true story nor how deep their relationship had gone, probably not as far as they lead me to believe at the time, but my marriage was already rocky and the two of them had made it appear that there was more there than perhaps there was and it hurt. Unfortunately, she was a minor at the time and that made it worse. She may not have realized what she was doing, but he did. Yet, even with all the time that has passed, (47 years) there is still that twinge of pain when I think of the event, Interestingly enough I’m fine when I’m around her. It is what it is. Forgiveness and forgetting are two different beasts and part of the equation of our human frailty.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What you went through was really hard. It is as you say, you will always remember how you got such a scar.
      You are right, forgiveness doesn’t always mean everyhthing will go back to the way it was, but it’s the only way to heal as much as possible, as you did.
      Thank you for sharing this.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Great post.
    Forgiveness, at the end of the day, is about the guy who did you wrong, but about you. If you feel wronged, and you don’t forgive, all you’ve done is set up a situation where they get to hurt you over and over again.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. “Forgiveness is a self-care decision”. This is so hard to do when you feel the lessons haven’t been learned, understanding has not been achieved and no resolution has occurred. It is very hard to give up but so loving to yourself to do so. Forgiveness frees up so much energy! I just posted something about my thyroid cancer being a sign I wasn’t speaking my truth. Reblogging at http://www.changebrew.blog

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “…but so loving to yourself to do so. Forgiveness frees up so much energy!” Yes!It is a self care decision. ❤ I hope your thyroid cancer is treatable.

      Like

  7. I learned my lesson … how sad Why I let bitterness grows in my heart … because maybe I am only human … and I don’t want anyone will hurt me no more … That is why I just stay at home and I am scared of people. I am not the person That I used to be and I am not missing my old me … I am happy this way …. though I still practice and still practicing how to forgive myself …..

    Liked by 1 person

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