Is it natural to feel ashamed or humiliated? Yes, of course it is natural, it is human. What can we do about it? Well, first it is important to recognize it and acknowledge that everybody experiences these emotions- yes, everybody.  But they are not one and the same, there is some difference between them, giving shame the opportunity to be the worst among them.

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Here is a very oversimplified way to differentiate these very complex emotions by our own thoughts or beliefs:

“I am bad” (shame)

“I did something bad” (guilt)

“I deserve this” (shame)

“I don’t deserve this” (humiliation)

All of the above may result from one same situation lived by different people and vary according to each person’s previous experiences. The same event may cause humiliation for someone and also cause deep damaging shame for another. This is important because humiliation fades away but shame remains.

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“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging”(Brené Brown).

I wanted to write about this topic so badly but it was so hard to comprise it in only a few words. The reason I wanted to mention this so badly is because we all know that a bully wants to instill shame upon their victims because they areoverflowed by it themselves, but I have known for a while now that we can be our own worst bully! Please be sure not to be bullying yourself into shame, because we only live once and shame stops you from living.

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Choose to be kind and grateful.

8 Comments

  1. Very nice post. What I love is the folks who try to use shame to manipulate others.
    As a Christian, I get a lot of “Gee, I remember you in school, and that (Insert whatever you don’t care to be remind of here) . . .
    The point is, it doesn’t matter anymore. It happened, you can’t change it, all you can do is smile, say thank you for reminding me of that. Of course I always toss in, “And thank God I’m not guilty of it any more.” (There, in your face).
    People only have as much power over you as you give them!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment. I like your –having the last word against a shaming comment– technique with that: “Thank God I am not guilty about it anymore”.

      Like

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