About evolving and facing lack of support or sabotage along the way.

Change is not easy. Whether it comes as something we want or it is thrown at us by life, it is not easy. Of course, change (any change) is easier when there is widespread agreement (in the family or group of friends) about the need to change. Sadly, more often than not, we are faced with the fact that people would rather see you shrinking than growing (it may be unconscious sometimes). Sabotage will be in order so they won’t have to feel insecure around you, or they won’t have to face the fact that they are in need of change too.

There is always one or several who can create the most resistance, first because their own actions and beliefs are challenged, and then because they realize that by you changing things, they will be in need of evolution themselves.

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I cannot emphasize enough the need for support in your planning for new goals. Nevertheless, it is possible to evolve without support if that happens to be the case. There is a strong possibility that some people in your life will no longer be able remain in it, at least not as much, if they devalue you. Therefore, the need to create new social bonding with people who support you and have more in common with you will eventually arise.

One potential challenge when people stop liking the way things are in their lives and start thinking in rebuilding a new one is to kindly educate family and friends about your choices, and at the same time try to grow and develop your new interests. Asking for help from others who have traveled the same path or from a professional will always be of tremendous help.

 

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Make a note: Listening to advice from loved ones is a blessing. In my personal experience I’m often humbled by it and always very grateful for receiving it (even if I didn’t like it at first). However, do not mistake loving advice with allowing people (even loved ones) to sabotage your efforts because they don’t want you to succeed (even if it’s subconsciously done).

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Consider joining a support group or therapy, if needed, to heal and motivate yourself during the process. Also, consider working in ways to protect yourself and to create healthy limits towards those around you. Sometimes this may be extremely hard in some families and social circles.

We may also be self-sabotaging out of fear or negative self-talk. In this case, remember that avoiding people or situations that trigger old behaviors is only a temporary solution. You may need to work hard on facing such negative feelings and beliefs, or the perceived lack of safety so familiar to those who are experiencing life changes.

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It is possible to heal, change, recover, evolve, live, and feel better. With courage, patience, the help of experienced professionals, and caring family or friends, you can rediscover the strength needed to take the first steps towards evolving and living a satisfying and meaningful life, the life you dream of.

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Choose to be kind and grateful.

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Diets everywhere I go.

I felt compelled to write about the subject because it seems to be everywhere. Last week, I attended four dinner parties, two brunches and a (whole day) pool party last Sunday. Those who know me well may swiftly testify that such a quantity of events is huge and abnormal for me. Still, I could not manage to avoid the subject (diets) at any of them!

Peer pressure is defined as “a feeling that one must do the same things as other people of one’s age and social group in order to be liked or respected by them”. Diet peer pressure exists. There are hundreds of serious articles published about this.

I’m 45 and even though many may think I’m in need of one, I am not on a “diet”. Nevertheless, my personal health, the same as my family’s, is always a top priority for me. We all happily exercise in whatever way we enjoy the most (because healthy exercise is supposed to be about joy not torture) and we thoroughly enjoy eating (quality food) mindfully and joyously. My life has not been ruled by diets for years. Notwithstanding, it still bothers me… the fact that diets overpower any other subject as conversation topic at dinners, brunches and everywhere else. Even though I’m sure about my lifestyle choices, I can still feel the social pressure and general dissatisfaction.

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Sometimes it even pains me. Yes, it pains me to watch life’s moments wasted away like that, energy that could otherwise be used for so many positive topics. But the worst part is to perceive that uneasy feeling silently shared by everyone: The feeling of not being beautiful enough, not thin enough, and not good enough; the feeling that lingers silently within each amazing soul I see at the table around me. Such valuable people, accomplished women, incredible and amazing daughters and moms who have achieved so much, such big beautiful hearts being uncomfortable, terribly uncomfortable with themselves.

The situation may bother me but most of all worries me. Since dieting is a temporary food plan, diets are not sustainable and neither do they create sustainable change for most people. Moreover, the deprivation of restrictive diets may lead to a diet-binge cycle which in turn may lead to guilt and frustration, finally leading towards self-loathing (specially in teens /// all other women or men not excluded though). Also, years of chronic dieting may result in slowing down metabolism and health issues.

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I really hope lack of self-appreciation not to be the result of the permanent year round ‘in a diet’ status of the wonderful people I saw recently. I hope it with all my heart. I also hope to go to a ‘diet free’ social event and soon.

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Choose to be kind and grateful.

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Body confidence: A battle for many, who only a few dare describe.

An epidemic which silently steals away energy, happiness, and life itself! I hear stories like the one portrayed here ever more often than I wish. Please take the time to read it completely. Thank you to Embracing Authenticity for sharing this. You are so right!

Raise your hand if you’ve ever looked in the mirror and been left feeling utterly deflated. Believe me you’re not alone, I have both hands raised too! Thinking about it I don’t really know anyone who is completely satisfied with their body, it’s either too big, too small, to short. Blotches, pimples, wrinkles and hair […]

via Body Confidence – Why it’s not all about change… — Embracing Authenticity

Choose to be kind and grateful.

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Recognizing the difference between guilt, humiliation, and shame in order to live and not only survive in life.

Is it natural to feel ashamed or humiliated? Yes, of course it is natural, it is human. What can we do about it? Well, first it is important to recognize it and acknowledge that everybody experiences these emotions- yes, everybody.  But they are not one and the same, there is some difference between them, giving shame the opportunity to be the worst among them.

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Here is a very oversimplified way to differentiate these very complex emotions by our own thoughts or beliefs:

“I am bad” (shame)

“I did something bad” (guilt)

“I deserve this” (shame)

“I don’t deserve this” (humiliation)

All of the above may result from one same situation lived by different people and vary according to each person’s previous experiences. The same event may cause humiliation for someone and also cause deep damaging shame for another. This is important because humiliation fades away but shame remains.

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“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging” (Brené Brown).

I wanted to write about this topic so badly but it was so hard to comprise it in only a few words. Thanks to Brené Brown’s work, we all have a world of information about shame through her books.

Please be sure not to be bullying yourself into shame, because we only live once and shame stops you from living.

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Choose to be kind and grateful.

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